Top Ten Cubs Killers

Have you ever had a nightmare that brings you back to your high school or college days? You’re walking into class realizing you had a paper due, and you get the sinking feeling and you know you’re fucked. Even though I’ve outgrown those days, I probably have that dream once a month. So, just because the Cubs won the World Series this year, most people still have PTSD stemming from losing heartbreaking playoff games in 2003, division games in 2012 and everything in between. Even if the Cubs win 10 World Series’, it’s impossible not to lament about all of the times we’ve had the sinking feeling in our stomach because it’s truly an unforgettable feeling. Here’s a list of the top 10 guys who’ve killed the cubs in the 21st century.

Some Qualifications: To compile our list of top ten Cubs killers, we weighted in no particular order, career body of work against the cubs, fear factor, clutch hits, production in big games and the playoffs, and clutch hits in important regular season games and the playoffs.

Honorable Mention: Mets player from Rookie of the Year who dominated Henry Rowengardener, Yadier Molina with a career .308 BA in 174 games played, Prince Fielder 22 home runs in 102 games and a .937 OPS, Brandon Guyer who went 2 for 2 in game 7 of the World Series (hits in the 8th and 10th inning both with 2 outs) , Jhonny Peralta and his walk-off against the cubs in an emotional double-header off of Pedro strop, Conor Gilaspie in the 2015 NLDS , Jose Ramirez and Francisco Lindor who always got on base in the WS, Randall Grichuk who robbed a homer against the cubs and hit a walk off in the same season and Basically anyone who played on the big brother cardinals.

Onto the top ten:

  1. Jason Kipnis

Everyone in the Chicago Suburbs, specifically Northbrook, thought Jason Kipnis was the man from the time he entered the league up until October this year. After reading those bullshit stories that everyone shared on Facebook about how he was so torn about playing in the World Series against the team he grew up against, he then changed his mind pretty quickly.

From an ESPN article:

“So all of a sudden, the Indians are in perfect position to do to the Cubs what they’ve been doing throughout this entire month of October, first to Red Sox Nation, then to an actual nation (i.e., Canada). Yes, they’re poised once again to break millions of hearts.

‘I love it,’ said Indians second baseman Jason Kipnis, a man who grew up outside of Chicago, dreaming of playing in a World Series at Wrigley Field. ‘I hope we break all of them. I hope we break every single one of them. I hope I come home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, the offseason, and I just want to have a smile on my face when I look at all these Cubs fans.’

And as much of a catch as he was, his play backed it up. He was the only guy who could hit off of Arrieta, breaking up Jake’s no-hitter in the 6th with a double in game 2, and going 2 for 3 against him in game 6 ( he broke up Jake’s no hitter in the 4th with a double, and homered in the next inning). Jake was a big reason why we won the World series, accumulating 2 wins, and he pitched 11 1/3 innings, gave up 3 runs, on 4 hits, and struck out 15, Good for a 2.38 era and 12 strikeouts per nine innings. Of those 3 runs and 4 hits he allowed, Kipnis scored all 3 runs and had 3 of the 4 hits. Damn. Then he followed it up in game 7 with an amazing base running play where he scored on a wild pitch from 2nd base, and later almost sent cubs fans into cardiac arrest with his deep line drive right down the right field line that that eventually went foul. Fuck the hometown guy. Good thing we won.

  1. Ryan Braun

Per – Ryan Braun vs. the Cubs going into this season, among active players.


He followed it up with 6 more homers, 21 RBI, a .308 BA, and a 1.018 OPS. Only explanation: Roids

  1. Drew Stubbs

You might be surprised to see a guy like Drew Stubbs on this list, maybe because he’s a career .244 hitter or maybe because most “Cubs Fans” don’t know who he is, because he dominated the Cubs in 2010 and 2011, 5 years before all of the bandwagon fans started watching our team. This guy pisses me off because he’s not even that good, but when he comes up to the plate, you get that feeling that something bad is about to happen. I usually like to use stats to back up my argument so naturally, I went to Wikipedia to do some due diligence. Let’s just say Wikipedia didn’t disappoint.


  1. Manny Ramirez

The 2008 Cubs seemed destined to win the World Series, with the best record in the National League, and playing the 84 win dodgers didn’t appear to be too tough of a challenge to start the postseason. Well, we got started a little slow in game 1, and then Manny hit a homer from his knees and the entire crowd in Wrigley could feel the series start to slip away as the dodgers were heating up.


This homer was the exclamation point of an amazing series for Manny.


Excuse Me? 1.743 OPS. That’s not human. And guess what, in May of the next season, Manny surprisingly got a 50 game suspension for using PED’s. Hmm?

  1. Albert Pujols

Career against the cubs: 56 homers, 1.012 OPS. Damn.

  1. Daniel Effing Murphy

“In the four-game sweep, Murphy was 9-for-17 (.529) with four home runs, a double, six runs batted in and six runs scored.”

  1. Tie – Cardinals Outfielders Jim Edmonds and Matt Holiday

These guys dominated the Cubs exactly ten seasons apart from each other for exactly 5 seasons and they deserved or someone to notice it. Edmonds reign of terror was from 2001-2005 and Holiday followed from 2011-2015.


2001: MLB Leader in Homers against the cubs (#2 is McGwire,)

2002: Tied for 3rd in MLB for Homers against the Cubs (1 is Brian Giles, 2 is Richie Sexson)

2003: Tied for 2nd in MLB for Homers against the Cubs (1 is Richie Sexson, tied with Albert Pujols for 2nd)

2004: Tied for 1st in MLB with the most homers against the Cubs (tied with Albert Pujols)

2005: Tied for 10th in most homers against the Cubs (tied with Hall of Famers Ken Griffey Jr. and Craig Biggio)

Along with all of these home runs hit against the Cubs, he won a gold glove in center field in each of those 5 seasons so we also had to bear watching him making diving catches in one inning and then hitting a walk-off bomb in the next inning.

Holliday’s stats from 2011-2015 against the cubs:

2011: .297 BA, .381 OBP, .432 SLG, .813 OPS

2012: .318 BA, .430 OBP, .621 SLG, 1.052 OPS

2013: .347 BA, .458 OBP, .653 SLG, 1.111 OPS

2014: .284 BA, .384 OBP, .595 SLG, .978 OPS

2015: .450 BA, .560 OBP, .550 SLG, 1.110 OPS

He had close to a 1.000 OPS in 4 consecutive years and never hit lower than .284. For those of you unfamiliar with the stat OPS, it combines On Base Percentage and Slugging Percentage and according to Wikipedia, “typically the league leader in OPS will score near, and sometimes above, the 1.000 mark”. I see 4 straight years of scoring near, and above the 1.000 mark.

  1. Carlos Lee

Carlos Lee hit 39 homers against the Cubs in his career. His next highest home run total against any team in the MLB was 19 homers. Are you fucking kidding me? If you were to extrapolate his numbers to a 162 game season you’d see 43 homers, 119 RBI, a batting average of .294 .353 and .905 OPS. Compare that to Kris Bryant’s MVP season of 39 homers, 102 RBI, a .285 batting average, .939 OPS. Those numbers are pretty similar, and the conclusion is that Carlos Lee played at an MVP level against the Cubs which equated to almost an entire season. To top it off, he jumped from Cubs Rival to Cubs Rival to Cubs Rival going from the White Sox, to the Astros, to the Brewers.

  1. 2003 Florida Marlins

It’s hard to pinpoint one player. People may joke that Cleveland blew a 3-1 lead, Golden State blew a 3-1 lead, OKC blew a 3-1 lead, well the Cubs Blew a 3-1 lead before it was cool, and it sucked. There were so many guys on that Marlins Team that played well, especially in that 8th inning that we’ve all stumbled upon on YouTube, and even though you know what’s going to happen you still watch hoping it doesn’t. Pudge was the NLCS MVP highlighted by 3 HRs, a clutch run-scoring single in the 8th inning of game 6 and 16 total RBI in the 7 games. Derek Lee, who ultimately was a really solid player for the Cubs had a huge double to tie game 6 and homered and had 3 doubles in the rest of the series. Not to mention Mike Lowell had a game winning homer in extras in game 1 and broke a 0-0 tie in game 5 with a 2 run homer, a scrub named Mike Mordecai had a pinch hit 3 run double to break game 6 open and the Spanish version of Mike, a young Miguel Cabrera had 3 homers in the series including a homer and 4 RBI’s in game 7. And Louis Castillo basically ended a person’s life.

  1. Rajai Davis

I don’t care that he was hitting .150 in the World Series through 6 and a half games, including a 0-3 start in the first 7 innings of game 7. Who cares that he had zero hits in the entire first two rounds of the playoffs. He single-handedly caused the City of Chicago to shit its collective pants with his 2 run homer in the 8th. Rajai’s 7 pitch at-bat was a textbook display of a hitter taking a patient approach fighting off pitches he couldn’t drive and wearing down Aroldis Chapman. He finally jumped on a pitch that got just enough of the plate and cracked a line drive down the left field line, that exited his bat at 101.5 MPH. I don’t even need to show you the video because we’ve all played it back enough times in our head. He also followed that up with a run scoring single in the 10th inning, and I’m confident Rajai would’ve gotten a hit in every at bat for the rest of that game he was so locked in. I never want to face him again. Thank God we still won.

Let me know what you think in the comments section. There’s a chance I could’ve missed somebody, and don’t worry there will be a follow up Pitchers version so it can be on the record that Cole Hamels and Johnny Cueto are the reason why I still sleep with a night light on. And to finish off the series, we might as well have a Cubs killers, friendly fire squad that looks at all of our own great players who have contributed to our losing efforts of the past.

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